The Revealing Incident

The day after the meeting, is when the answers to the questions started to come.

This was the account of others who had witnessed it. At lunch recess "Joe" climbed up the slide to search for his friend. Other kids were waiting to go down and kept telling him he needed to move. Kids were messing with his shoes and one came off. Another boy, who we'll call "Dave", grabbed it, went down the slide and starting running around. "Joe" chased after "Dave" and when he caught up to him, he put him in a choke hold.

When recess was over, the kids had a few minutes to go to the bathroom before returning to class. Beckham walked into the bathroom only to see "Joe" hitting and kicking "Dave". Beckham told him to stop and that it wasn't right, but it didn't stop and it continued back to the classroom. Once class had resumed, the parent volunteer told the kids to get their projects. It was teacher appreciation week and the all teachers were in a meeting, so there were parent volunteers in each class. As the kids went to get their projects, Beckham accidentally bumped into "Joe" and immediately apologized. "Joe" then put Beckham into a choke hold. Three kids tried to pull "Joe" off, but it took the parent volunteer to get him off. This is where Beckham thought, "I'm trying to be brave and not cry."

The parent volunteer took them to the Principal's office. The principal talked to Beckham first. Ryan arrived and took Beckham home. The principal then talked to "Joe". Ryan called Marna to tell her what had happened. She immediately called the school and talked with the parent volunteer that had witnessed it. The parent volunteer was very upset and said she'd never seen anything like that before. Both she and Marna were concerned about Beckham and about "Joe" and what was going on in his life for him to act this way and to use the physical abuse that he did. When Marna went to pick Beckham's little sister up later that day, she went to talk to the principal; she was concerned and wanted to know more about the situation.

The principal told Marna that he had talked to both boys and some student witnesses. It is our understanding that when the principal asked "Joe" what happened, he told the principal his dad had taught him to protect himself and that he had attacked "Dave" durning recess and put Beckham in a choke hold. The principal also told Marna that he had called "Joe's" dad and talked to him. He told his dad what had happened and that he needed to talk to his son. "Joe's" dad said he'd talk to him when he got home.

Once Marna left the school, she went home and asked Beckham all about it. He told her the story that I've told. She asked him how long the bullying had been going on. He said without hesitation, "a year and six and a half months." Knowing he had been keeping track of how long this had been going on just made Marna's heart sink and made her wonder how he kept it a secret and how she could've missed it. She kept asking herself, "how did I not know?"

Something Is Going On

In February, Beckham's parents (Ryan & Marna) noticed that he had started to pull his hair out. They asked why he was doing it and his response was, "I don't know." They asked if he noticed when he was pulling it out or if it hurt. He didn't notice and it didn't hurt. They knew something was going on, something was triggering the hair pulling. Initially they thought it was boredom. Beckham is two to three grades above his reading level and they thought he might just be bored in class, so he was pulling his hair out.

The following day they asked if the teacher had noticed Beckham pulling out his hair. At first the response was, "not really", then added that it was noticed while he was taking tests. Now they had another possible trigger, anxiety. They took him to the doctor and he was prescribed anxiety meds. They didn't seem to be making any difference and the hair pulling continued. They told him he couldn't pull out his hair anymore, so he moved to his eyebrows. They told him he couldn't pull out his eyebrow hairs anymore, so he pulled out his eyelashes. Once they told him he couldn't do that, he tried his arm hair, but that hurt too much, so he stopped that. The hair pulling continued and Beckham's parents continued to search for the trigger without any success.

About three weeks ago Beckham starting calling home during school, almost everyday. One time it was because his teacher told him he couldn't go to the bathroom. Ryan was upset about this and talked to the teacher to make sure Beckham wasn't denied anymore trips to the bathroom. The reasons for the calls turned to tummy aches and other aliments. About two weeks ago the call was about how "Joe" had shoved paper in his ear during class. Marna thought it was an excuse, because he had been calling home so frequently; she told him to go back to class. The next day he called home saying that "Joe" had put wood chips in his ear. Marna took him to the doctor to see what was going on. She was thinking that he might be doing this because he was bored, wanted a reason to call home, had an ear infection, or for some other reason. On their way to the doctor, Marna told Beckham that he might have to go to a different school if it was "Joe" sticking stuff in his ear. Without hesitation, Beckham asked if he'd still be able to play with one of his friends if he switched schools. Marna said he would be able to and Beckham said that he wouldn't mind switching schools then. This was another sign to Marna that something was going on; kids are usually not OK with switching schools.  At the doctor's office they ended up pulling out a wood chip and piece of paper. The wood chips had scratched his ear canal and ear drum. It caused an infection, which he still has today.

wood chip and paper from his ear

After bringing Beckham back to school from his doctor's appointment, Marna made sure she didn't leave the school office without setting up a meeting. She wanted help in finding answers about what was going on with her son. On the following Monday, that meeting was held. The principal, assistant principal, a district therapist, and Beckham's teacher were in attendance. Marna had been wanting to get  Beckham tested to see how advanced he was and this time they complied with that request. At this meeting there were new things brought to light.

Beckham's teacher told them he had been asking to call home at least twice a day for months. He had figured out that if he asked before centers, he'd be allowed to call home, because it was a different teacher. He had also been asking to go to the bathroom twice every hour for months. His teacher had given him a stress ball to squeeze when he got anxious/nervous instead of hitting himself in the head. This was all news to Marna; none of these behaviors were ever passed along to her. They considered ADD, OCD, or other disorders as the cause for these behaviors, because they could not pin-point where they were coming from, nothing was making sense. They also didn't know what to make of the wood chip and paper in his ear; they didn't know if he had done it or if it really was "Joe". Surely if "Joe" had put them in his ear during class the teacher would have seen or heard about it, Marna would have gotten a call from someone. Marna felt like she left that meeting with more questions to be answered then when she entered it. She had no clue what was going on, but she knew there was something.

The Beginning

Over the past couple of years our attention has been brought to the severity and frequent occurrences of bullying. It is on the rise, beginning at younger and younger ages and becoming more cruel and violent. It leads to the tragic, untimely death of some and lifetime scarring for others.

Every time the subject comes up, I wonder why and how it has gotten so bad. All through my adolescent, pre-teen, and teen years I never remember bullying being a problem like it is now. I think there are a few reasons why the frequency and severity of bullying have increased; media and parenting, but that is an entirely different subject. I have never paid bullying much mind until now, until it has hit home. And now that it has hit home, I'm taking a stand and using my voice and I hope that it reaches far and makes a difference somehow.

At dinner on Sunday, my sister-in-law, Marna, proceeded to tell us about how my sweet 8-year-old nephew, Beckham, is being bullied at school. The first time he received physical evidence of the bullying, Marna noticed and asked about it. Beckham told her that "Joe" had punched him in the eye and kicked his friend in the eye. She immediately took action and let the teacher know. When Beckham found out about this, he told his mom that she had misunderstood and that he didn't get hit by "Joe". Marna relayed this to the teacher. Beckham didn't want "Joe" to know he had told, because he was scared of retaliation. This was in first grade. 

Since that day, Beckham has continued to be bullied. He has been punched more then just that first time. Wood chips and paper have been stuffed into his ear, causing him to be on an antibiotic ear drop for infection. Beckham has been affected by this so much that he has pulled out all of his eyelashes, eyebrows, and some of his hair. Whether he is so anxious at school that he reverts to this or that it soothes him in some way, it is something he has turned to as a result of bullying. If this is the outward affect bullying is having on him, just imagine what is going on inside!

                                                                                                     

7 months later

You may be asking yourself some questions: "How has this been going on for over a year?" "Is it due to some of the administration at the school?" "Is it due to lack of communication between parents and teachers, between parents and administration, between students and parents, between teachers and administration?" "Is it due to what goes on in the home?" This is something we may never know, but everyone needs to work together to help find the answers and put an end to bullying. 

We are responsible for the protection of our children. And not just our children, but for every child, especially when their own parents aren't there to protect them. Teachers, administrators, parents, and students should be taking an active, assertive role to stop any sort of bullying. They should be acutely attentive to what is going on with their students, children, and peers. In our opinion, if everyone would have been doing their part, it would not have gone on for over a year. It should not require parents stepping in and blog posts being written. But since this is the case, let's spread the word and get more people involved and aware of how severe and damaging bullying is.

As the situation unfolds, we will continue to post about it. We will keep you informed on Beckham's progress of overcoming the damage bullying has done to him. We will be the voice of awareness and an advocate for those that are in need of protection and rescuing from those who feel the need to bully others.

Please do your part to stop bullying. Be that protector. Be that whistle blower. Be that example and teacher of how to treat others. Teach your children to stand up for others and to stand up to bullies. Be brave.