Everyone Has A Boss

After Identifying the boys, Beckham proceeded to tell the principal what some of them had done. The assaults ranged from punching, kicking, tripping, name-calling, stealing swings, stealing balls, and knocking popcorn out of kids' hands. You name it, it happened and not just to Beckham, but to other kids as well. In the course of less then two days, Marna had been contacted by parents and some very concerned teachers. All of them expressed deep concern for what was happening in the school and that nothing was being done to stop it. She was told that there are a few people in the administration that do not believe there is a bullying problem. It's looked upon as "kids will be kids" and therefore it's not taken seriously. It's seen as a waste of time to report and so nothing is being done to stop it. 

The principal asked Beckham if he told anyone when these things happened. He said that he told the recess aides. The principal wanted to know what they did about it. Beckham said that they just told them to stop and not to do it again. The principal looked at Beckham and said, "Beckham let me tell you something, everybody in America has a boss. A boss is someone that you report to. You know the recess aides? Well, they have to report to me, I am their boss. If there's ever a time that you are at recess and somebody does something to you and you tell the recess aides and all they do is tell them to "knock it off" and they continue doing it to you or if they do something to you that you feel they need a bigger punishment for, then you come talk to me. I am their boss and I will make sure that they give those kids a proper punishment. Okay?" Beckham said okay. You could see a sigh of relief come over his face. Marna appreciated what the principal was trying to say and what he was trying to do. You could clearly see he wanted Beckham to feel safe and to reassure him that an adult was going to listen to him, but Marna did not know what to say. She was trying very hard to make sure her mouth didn't hit the floor. Once again she was shocked at what she was hearing. She couldn't help but think, "are you hearing yourself? Do you realize what you are saying and what you just said? Do you realize you just gave my son a false sense of power over these other kids? Do you realize the burden you just put on my son? Its not his responsibility to make sure these kids are punished appropriately for their actions and please don't make him feel like it is his responsibility." Marna has never been the type of mother that thinks her kids are perfect and could do no wrong. Beckham has always been a great kid. He almost always does what he's asked to do, as soon as he's asked to do it. You almost never have to ask him to do something twice. However....... he is human. What happens if one day he gets a revenge bone in his body and goes and tells the recess aides that some kids did something they really didn't do and when they don't get the punishment he thinks they should have, then he goes and tells the principal. Gulp! This could be really bad news. Again, Marna appreciated what he was trying to do and she knows he had the best Intentions possible for Beckham.

As they were finishing up in the principal's office Beckham looked at Marna with the sadest face and said, "Mom, Can you take me home? I just want to go home." You could tell this little boy had been heartbroken and started to cry. Marna said, "tell me whats wrong. He said, "mom, I just want to go home." Marna replied, "tell me whats wrong honey. Did something happen today?" With tears running down his face and in a voice that was so shaken he could hardly be understood he said, "I only got a 27% on my math test." Marna said, "Oh honey, it's okay. I think if we talk to your teacher, she will let you retake that test." The principal said, "Beckham, I know you can retake that test." He continued on telling Beckham how he'd been through so much the last day or so and he knew he could retake it. The principal stood up and said, "I'm going to talk to your teacher and tell her that we are going to let you retake that test. I will also get a few worksheets for you to take home and I bet your mom and dad will help you review." Beckham said "Okay". Beckham told Marna the test was on solving story problems and he just couldn't think and he didn't want anyone to think he was dumb. Marna gave Beckham a big hug and said, "Beckham you are not dumb, you are very smart. Do you know how proud I am of you? Don't worry about the test, the principal already said you could retake it and I know you will get a better score." Beckham smiled and agreed. When the principal returned, he said that he had spoken with the teacher and let them know that Beckham could retake the test in a few days. He told Marna that when he spoke with the teacher, she said she could tell Beckham was having a hard time concentrating, got frustrated, and gave up easily. 

At the end of the day, Marna was still not okay with "Joe" only missing 2 recesses. She was upset, because she believed the reason for lack of punishment was due to the absence of "Joe" being reported. She thought multiple times, "I bet they have no idea what is going on and what happened. How could they? I didn't even know what was going on and my own child was involved." Marna was very upset that the teacher and secretary knew "Joe" had admitted to putting paper and wood chips into Beckham's ear and NOTHING to that point had been done about it. No calls were made, no emails were sent out, nothing. Marna was not okay with that and she was not going to allow this to happen to her child or any other child. So she took the principal's  advice that he had given Beckham earlier and made an appointment to speak with his boss.

What Could The School Have Done Differently?

Marna sat down with the principal and vice principal for their 10:30 meeting. Marna began telling them some of the new information she had learned earlier that morning and the night before. The principal immediately started writing down kids' names and said they would follow up on every single one. 

Marna asked how many recesses the kids have each day. The principal said, "normally they have one 20 minute recess and a lunch recess, but since the kids are testing they have two 10 minute recesses; one in the morning and one in the afternoon, as well as their lunch recess. Why, is something going on during a certain recess?" Marna told him that when she spoke with Beckham's teacher earlier that morning, she relayed to her how disappointed she was that Joe wouldn't be getting punished for what he had done to Beckham, because he was on vacation. The teacher told Marna, "'Joe' did get a punishment; he missed two recesses yesterday and he will be missing another one when he returns." Marna told the principal that since the choke hold incidence happened after lunch, that meant "Joe's" punishment is only two missed recesses; one yesterday and one when he returns. The principal said, "That's not true, I don't know why she told you that. He was given an in-school suspension yesterday and will miss another recess when he gets back." Marna replied, "what does in-school suspension mean?" The principal explained, "'Joe had to go to 'Mr. Ed's' class during recess. He told 'Joe' and 'Mr. Ed' that if 'Joe' behaved during recess he could return to class." So Marna was right, in reality "Joe" had only missed one recess, he hadn't been in-school suspended; she wasn't okay with that. 

The principal asked Marna what she thought they could've done differently. She told him she wished that they would've communicated with her more. She wished they would've told her that Beckham was asking to go to the bathroom twice every hour and asking to call home multiple times today. She wished she would've gotten a phone call from the school when his finger was sliced so she knew how bad it really was. She said that the secretary should have called her to let her know that someone did admit to putting paper and wood chips in his ear. She wished the secretary would've called her when she could tell Beckham was in pain and was feeling bad for him. If Marna would've known that somebody had put things in Beckham's ear, she would have picked him up right away and taken him to the doctor. Instead, she thought he was making up excuses to call home, because he was bored. She also told the principal that she did not want the secretary to get in trouble, because Beckham likes and trusts her and feels safe with her. The last thing Marna wanted was for her to get blamed or to get in trouble, because she did not want anything to happen to her. She wanted to make sure the  principal understood that Beckham needs her; he needs an adult at school he can trust. She told the principal that she wanted to make this a learning experience for everybody, so they can help prevent anything like it from happening again.

Once Marna had told all of this to the principal she left the office and walked by Beckham's class once more. She asked the teacher how he did. The teacher said, "he did fine during the test, but when I gave him a worksheet to do, he started hitting himself in the head. I told him that the worksheet wasn't a big deal and if he got it wrong, he could just redo it. So I don't know what the issue is." Marna's response was, "hmmmm, I don't know, I'll talk to him". Beckham's teacher proceeded to tell her that one of the secretaries had told Beckham he should go to the bathroom before class starts and that there's another break in the middle of class and then he could go right before lunch and again right before the second bell rings to come in from recess. Ever since then, he's been doing that and hasn't asked to go to the bathroom during class anymore.

Later that day Marna received a phone call from Beckham. He wanted to come home, so she went to the school to talk to him. They sat out in the hall for a minute, then went into the office. That was when Beckham went through the book of pictures, trying to pick out the third grader that had pushed him down the slide. He looked at the third grade classes and couldn't find him. Marna asked Beckham how long this third-grader had been bothering him and he told her only a few months. He then pointed to a kid and said, "he kind of looks like him, but it's not him." Marna asked the principal if it was possible the kid could have moved in after the pictures were taken. He told her that it was very possible. Beckham started to point out other second graders that had been messing with him for a while. She asked him if he thought that these kids were doing stuff to him on purpose or if it was possible that any of them had done something once or twice and it was an accident. He said there were a few boys that do stuff to him a lot and on purpose. Another boy was a one-time deal and it could've been an accident. Marna just wanted Beckham to think about these incidences and to clarify. If they did stuff to him, then they did it and it needed to be addressed. However, she thought since he was so young and that it had been going on for so long, there might be a possibility that some of incidences really were accidents. Beckham might just think everyone is out to get him and might not be able to tell the difference anymore. 

Some Do Their Part & Some Don't

Marna had been told by the office that “Joe” wasn’t going to be at school the day following the choke hold incident, because he had left on vacation with his family for about a week. This made Marna relieved that Beckham would be getting a break from “Joe”. As Marna was driving Beckham and his sister, “Jane” to school, “Jane” told her about an incident that happened a month ago. “Jane” told Marna that a girl named, “Sue”, had told her that she wanted to kill Beckham. Marna said, “what?!” Jane said, “yes and I told my teacher." Then Marna asked "Jane" what the teacher did. "Jane" said that the teacher made her and “Sue” sit down and talk through it.

As soon as Marna arrived at the school, she went and talked to “Jane’s” teacher. Marna asked her if she remembered this incident. The teacher said yes and that it was about a month ago; she asked if there were still issues. Marna told her that they had just found out that Beckham has been a victim of bullying for the last year and a half. The teacher told Marna that she had seen him last week and couldn't believe it was him; she barely recognized him and said he didn't even look like the same kid. Marna agreed and said that it's so sad how it has taken a toll on him. “Jane’s” teacher immediately took Marna to the dual immersion teacher that taught her class part of the day. She wanted the immersion teacher to be aware of what "Sue" had said and what was happening with Beckham. Marna was very impressed with how proactive and responsive this teacher was.

Marna went to the office next, because she was concerned about how Beckham was going to point out the third grader that had pushed him down the slide. The principal was not in and wouldn’t be back until 10:30. The assistant principal asked her if she would like to come back then and she said she would. Marna asked the assistant principal if she could attend the meeting as well. She said her class got out at 10:30 and she would be there. Before Marna left, the office assured her that they wouldn’t have Beckham on the playground pointing the third grader out. They would use school pictures to identify him; this eased her concern about the matter. Now that that concern was taken care of, Marna needed to inform the principal about what “Jane” had told her about what “Sue” had said. Marna wondered: “Why wasn't this reported? Wouldn't you want something like this reported? Do you think kids just say things like that these days? I would be very concerned if a child said this about another child. Why would another child say something like this? Was that child being bullied by another child? Is that why they wanted to kill this child? Has this girl seen other people do something to Beckham and so that is why she said it? Is this bullying stuff ever going to stop? Is this normal for kids to talk this way? So many questions were going through her head once again. She didn’t understand why the incident with “Sue” wasn’t reported.  

After leaving the office, but before leaving the school, Marna thought she'd walk by Beckham’s class to check on him. She knew they were finishing up the end-of-year math test that day and she wanted to check on him to see how he was doing. The teacher was in the hallway checking on two students doing some sort of worksheet. Marna asked if she could speak with her for a minute. She asked her how Beckham was doing and if he was pulling his hair, eyelashes, or eyebrows out. His teacher said she did not notice him pulling on anything and that he was doing just fine. Marna said Good. She then told the teacher that she was disappointed that “Joe” was not going to get a punishment since he was on vacation. The teacher said, "oh, no, he did get a punishment. He missed two recesses yesterday and he will miss one more when he gets back." She couldn't believe it, she was sick. Three recesses, you're kidding right? It was like Beckham was getting kicked and punched in the gut again. She looked at the teacher and said, “I asked Beckham why he didn't tell you that Joe was doing stuff to him? He told me he did tell you. He told me that he told you every single day.” The teacher's reply was and Marna quotes, "yes, but he needed to be more specific." Marna then said, "do you not realize how shy he is and for him to anything about another kid is huge?" The teacher replied, "well then he can write it on a piece of paper if that makes him feel more comfortable." After that, Marna left the school and waited for her 10:30 meeting with the principal and vice principal.

I Did Tell My Teacher

It shocked Marna to hear Beckham tell her that he DID tell his teacher, he told her EVERYDAY; she just couldn't believe it. She was so frustrated. Was the teacher not believing him? Was the teacher not taking Beckham serious? Was she allowing this to happen? Marna wanted to know why. Why did it take her going into the office, after the doctors appointment for his ear, saying, "I am not sure what is going on, but I want 'Joe' moved away from my son immediately."? She told the administrators Beckham and "Joe" are not to be seated next to each other anymore. Why hadn't the teacher done this already? Marna thought, "no wonder Beckham asked to go to the bathroom twice an hour. That was the only way for him to get away from 'Joe'."

After getting over the shock of hearing that Beckham had been telling his teacher about "Joe" everyday, she asked him if anyone else had hurt him. Beckham said, "yes, a third grader and some other boys." Marna asked him about the third grader and Beckham said, "you know the cut on my finger from the slide last week?" Marna said, "yes" and Beckham proceeded to tell her that it was because of a third grader. When Beckham told her this, she remembered the incident; it was the same week that "Joe" had put paper and wood chips in his ear. She remembers Beckham had come home with a band-aid on a couple of his fingers. As soon as he and his sister came in the door, they put their book bags up and headed toward the backyard to play. As Beckham approached Marna, he held up his fingers and told her he had cut them on the slide. He said he had band-aids on them and it was fine. She said, "okay, have fun and be careful" as he continued out the door to the backyard. 

After Marna's flashback, Beckham told her how he had truly gotten the cuts. He was sitting at the top of the slide waiting his turn to go down. A third grader wanted him to go before the kid at the bottom had moved. Beckham knew it was against the playground rules to do that and told the third grader he couldn't. The third grader started pushing Beckham down the slide. Beckham held on tight, trying not to go down, because he didn't want to get in trouble for running into the kid at the bottom. He was holding on so tight, that the slide sliced his fingers.
When Marna brought this to the principal's attention, he asked if Beckham knew who the third grader was. He said he didn't know his name or who his teacher was. The Principal asked if he could point out the 3rd grader. Beckham said that he would be able to.

taken approximately 1 week after the slide incident

One of the three times that Marna was in the school office the day after the choking incidence, Beckham walked in and she noticed a pretty bad scab on his finger. She asked Beckham what had happened to it? He said, "Oh, that's the cut I told you about from the slide." Marna said, "that is from the slide? Beckham, that's not a cut, that's a slice." She then made sure it wasn't infected and told him he had to show her things like that. The secretary then piped in, "It was really bad, I had to use the fingernail clippers to cut some of the skin away. I told him as soon as he got home he needed to tell you and have you put neosporin on it." Marna asked the secretary if Beckham had said anything to her. She said the only thing he had said was that he had cut his fingers on the slide. Marna was baffled that she didn't even get a heads up call from the school saying Beckham had a pretty bad cut on his finger. 

Warning Signs

After tucking the kids into bed the evening Beckham's bullying was revealed, Marna just sat in a chair and cried. So many questions were going through her mind. Why didn't I know? How could I not know? How could I have failed my own child? Have I failed as a mother? Is Beckham okay? What about my other children?  Will Beckham be okay? What do we need to do to make sure he's okay? Will I ever see my happy, confident, little boy that always had a smile on his face, and a little giggle in his voice again?  The more she thought about how he was counting the days, the harder she cried. She started thinking about how scared and lonely he must have been. The more she thought about it, the more surreal everything became. She remembers thinking, "a year and a half? Really? I wonder if he meant almost a year; six and a half months. Really, a whole year and a half? That means he would have been in the 1st grade." She started asking herself; what day did it begin? Was he sad? Where was it?  Did it leave a mark? Did I notice any marks? Was I too busy with something else or one of the other kids to notice? Did I see it and forget to ask him about it? So many questions were flowing through her mind.  And then she remembered an email she sent his 1st grade teacher about a year and six and a half months ago. 

The email correspondence is below; it is in reverse order.

Date: October 14, 2011, 8:35:34 AM MDT

Subject: Re: Beckham

No problem.......we will make it all better......congrats on the baby.......sorry about the stones :(

Marna 10/13/11 9:44 PM >>>

Beckham is so upset and doesn't want to go to School tomorrow because I totally misunderstood him. I told him he'd be okay. I should have asked more questions I feel so bad. I told him you wouldn't be mad at him. He's so upset so if he doesn't act like himself that's why.


Marna


On Oct 13, 2011, at 6:11 PM, " Laurie Hale "  wrote:

Weird.....he didn't say anything to me.  Tyson had a problem with 3rd grader today but I didn't hear about this one.  I will investigate tomorrow.  There is also pink eye going around the school.

Marna 10/13/11 3:42 PM >>>

Mrs. Hale,

I picked Beckham up today and noticed something was wrong with his eye. I asked him about it and he said he had a bad day at school. A kid named Tyson punched him in the eye and kicked his friend in the eye. I just want to make sure everything is okay at school with Beckham and to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Marna

After Marna found the email she sent to Beckham's first grade teacher, she was in shock and couldn't believe it. She couldn't sleep, she tossed and turned and cried all night. She was sick to her stomach. What more could she have done? What else did she miss? How many times had this happened? Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he tell his teacher or another adult? She felt so helpless; she couldn't even imagine the pain he'd been feeling and going through for so long. She gets physically sick every time she thinks about how much he was aching and hurting in the inside that pulling out his hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes made him feel better. She kept imagining a little boy in a dark room, his face damp from tears. He's crying, pounding, screaming, wanting out. Adults are around, yet no one can hear him. Why? Why didn't she hear him?, Why didn't someone hear him? Why did it take so long? Had he given up? Did he think no one was listening? Did he think he deserved it? There must have been signs. 

His parents noticed that Beckham would cry at the drop of a hat. He would cry if he couldn't go to his best friends house. He would cry if he didn't think something was fair or if he couldn't play a certain game or watch a certain show. He would cry over any and everything. He wanted to play video games all the time. He wanted to be in charge and have the final say. He would over exaggerate when he got hurt at home. He had very little patience with his siblings. There were times when he would hit, trip, or just be mean and hurt his siblings on purpose. He would say mean things to them. His parents constantly told him to be nice. He didn't want to do anything extra and he complained a lot. There were times when he just wanted to be by himself and Marna would find him in his room, just laying on his bed. If there was an argument or a fight, it was always someone else's fault; he'd say, "I did nothing" or "Well, they touched me first". He made it seem as if everyone was picking on him and they deserved what they got and he didn't like to say sorry.   

Right after the hair pulling started, Marna remembers sitting down with Beckham and asking him if he was okay. She asked him if he was sad, if he liked school, if anyone was being mean to him, if anyone was doing anything that made him feel sad. He said that sometimes his sister and her friends were mean. They'd say mean things and they knocked the popcorn out of his hands one time. 

After hearing that, Marna immediately called his sister down and together they talked to her. They told her when someone feels sad, because of someone else's action, it's not okay. She started crying and told Beckham she was sorry. Beckham told her in a very stern voice, "It's never okay to be mean to someone and make them feel sad. Do you understand? It's not okay and it's to never happen again." I remember thinking, "wow.... that must have really bothered him to have said that." Marna told his sister it's NEVER to happen again and if it ever did, she'd have to report her and her friends, because it was on school grounds. She also told her that she needs to be nice and stick up for each other. Beckham's little sister agreed and said it would never happen again. She said, "mom, sometimes my friends say if I'm not mean to him, then they won't be my friend anymore." Marna said, "tough, then find new friends. A true friend would not want you to be mean to your brother." She said, "okay, I promise it won't happen again" and it hasn't since. However, there have been a few times where Marna has picked her up from school and she was sad or brought to tears, because her friends wanted her to be mean to Beckham and she wouldn't. Marna told her she was proud of her. It's unbelievable how many kids say mean things to other kids. Marna and Ryan have tried very hard to raise their kids not to be mean kids. They understand "kids will be kids", but where are the limits? 

Ryan and Marna tried using essential oils, positive affirmations, they took him to the doctor, talked to his teacher, principal, you name it in efforts to help remedy whatever was bothering Beckham. 

Marna remembered back to Valentines Day and how Beckham absolutely did not want to give "Joe" a valentine. She told him he had to and that he needed to be nice. He then told her how "Joe" wasn't nice and how he was always mean to other kids. He tried all night to convince Marna not to make him give "Joe" a valentine. She said he had to give him one anyway and so he did. Beckham made sure that the valentine didn't say anything more then what it had to and that the candy included was a flavor Beckham didn't like; which was fine with Marna. Just because Beckham didn't like it, didn't mean that "Joe" wouldn't like it. It could have been Joe's favorite, who knows? 

The morning after they found out Beckham was being bullied, Marna asked him why he never told his teacher what was going on. He said, "mom, I did, I told her everyday."

The Revealing Incident

The day after the meeting, is when the answers to the questions started to come.

This was the account of others who had witnessed it. At lunch recess "Joe" climbed up the slide to search for his friend. Other kids were waiting to go down and kept telling him he needed to move. Kids were messing with his shoes and one came off. Another boy, who we'll call "Dave", grabbed it, went down the slide and starting running around. "Joe" chased after "Dave" and when he caught up to him, he put him in a choke hold.

When recess was over, the kids had a few minutes to go to the bathroom before returning to class. Beckham walked into the bathroom only to see "Joe" hitting and kicking "Dave". Beckham told him to stop and that it wasn't right, but it didn't stop and it continued back to the classroom. Once class had resumed, the parent volunteer told the kids to get their projects. It was teacher appreciation week and the all teachers were in a meeting, so there were parent volunteers in each class. As the kids went to get their projects, Beckham accidentally bumped into "Joe" and immediately apologized. "Joe" then put Beckham into a choke hold. Three kids tried to pull "Joe" off, but it took the parent volunteer to get him off. This is where Beckham thought, "I'm trying to be brave and not cry."

The parent volunteer took them to the Principal's office. The principal talked to Beckham first. Ryan arrived and took Beckham home. The principal then talked to "Joe". Ryan called Marna to tell her what had happened. She immediately called the school and talked with the parent volunteer that had witnessed it. The parent volunteer was very upset and said she'd never seen anything like that before. Both she and Marna were concerned about Beckham and about "Joe" and what was going on in his life for him to act this way and to use the physical abuse that he did. When Marna went to pick Beckham's little sister up later that day, she went to talk to the principal; she was concerned and wanted to know more about the situation.

The principal told Marna that he had talked to both boys and some student witnesses. It is our understanding that when the principal asked "Joe" what happened, he told the principal his dad had taught him to protect himself and that he had attacked "Dave" durning recess and put Beckham in a choke hold. The principal also told Marna that he had called "Joe's" dad and talked to him. He told his dad what had happened and that he needed to talk to his son. "Joe's" dad said he'd talk to him when he got home.

Once Marna left the school, she went home and asked Beckham all about it. He told her the story that I've told. She asked him how long the bullying had been going on. He said without hesitation, "a year and six and a half months." Knowing he had been keeping track of how long this had been going on just made Marna's heart sink and made her wonder how he kept it a secret and how she could've missed it. She kept asking herself, "how did I not know?"

Something Is Going On

In February, Beckham's parents (Ryan & Marna) noticed that he had started to pull his hair out. They asked why he was doing it and his response was, "I don't know." They asked if he noticed when he was pulling it out or if it hurt. He didn't notice and it didn't hurt. They knew something was going on, something was triggering the hair pulling. Initially they thought it was boredom. Beckham is two to three grades above his reading level and they thought he might just be bored in class, so he was pulling his hair out.

The following day they asked if the teacher had noticed Beckham pulling out his hair. At first the response was, "not really", then added that it was noticed while he was taking tests. Now they had another possible trigger, anxiety. They took him to the doctor and he was prescribed anxiety meds. They didn't seem to be making any difference and the hair pulling continued. They told him he couldn't pull out his hair anymore, so he moved to his eyebrows. They told him he couldn't pull out his eyebrow hairs anymore, so he pulled out his eyelashes. Once they told him he couldn't do that, he tried his arm hair, but that hurt too much, so he stopped that. The hair pulling continued and Beckham's parents continued to search for the trigger without any success.

About three weeks ago Beckham starting calling home during school, almost everyday. One time it was because his teacher told him he couldn't go to the bathroom. Ryan was upset about this and talked to the teacher to make sure Beckham wasn't denied anymore trips to the bathroom. The reasons for the calls turned to tummy aches and other aliments. About two weeks ago the call was about how "Joe" had shoved paper in his ear during class. Marna thought it was an excuse, because he had been calling home so frequently; she told him to go back to class. The next day he called home saying that "Joe" had put wood chips in his ear. Marna took him to the doctor to see what was going on. She was thinking that he might be doing this because he was bored, wanted a reason to call home, had an ear infection, or for some other reason. On their way to the doctor, Marna told Beckham that he might have to go to a different school if it was "Joe" sticking stuff in his ear. Without hesitation, Beckham asked if he'd still be able to play with one of his friends if he switched schools. Marna said he would be able to and Beckham said that he wouldn't mind switching schools then. This was another sign to Marna that something was going on; kids are usually not OK with switching schools.  At the doctor's office they ended up pulling out a wood chip and piece of paper. The wood chips had scratched his ear canal and ear drum. It caused an infection, which he still has today.

wood chip and paper from his ear

After bringing Beckham back to school from his doctor's appointment, Marna made sure she didn't leave the school office without setting up a meeting. She wanted help in finding answers about what was going on with her son. On the following Monday, that meeting was held. The principal, assistant principal, a district therapist, and Beckham's teacher were in attendance. Marna had been wanting to get  Beckham tested to see how advanced he was and this time they complied with that request. At this meeting there were new things brought to light.

Beckham's teacher told them he had been asking to call home at least twice a day for months. He had figured out that if he asked before centers, he'd be allowed to call home, because it was a different teacher. He had also been asking to go to the bathroom twice every hour for months. His teacher had given him a stress ball to squeeze when he got anxious/nervous instead of hitting himself in the head. This was all news to Marna; none of these behaviors were ever passed along to her. They considered ADD, OCD, or other disorders as the cause for these behaviors, because they could not pin-point where they were coming from, nothing was making sense. They also didn't know what to make of the wood chip and paper in his ear; they didn't know if he had done it or if it really was "Joe". Surely if "Joe" had put them in his ear during class the teacher would have seen or heard about it, Marna would have gotten a call from someone. Marna felt like she left that meeting with more questions to be answered then when she entered it. She had no clue what was going on, but she knew there was something.

The Beginning

Over the past couple of years our attention has been brought to the severity and frequent occurrences of bullying. It is on the rise, beginning at younger and younger ages and becoming more cruel and violent. It leads to the tragic, untimely death of some and lifetime scarring for others.

Every time the subject comes up, I wonder why and how it has gotten so bad. All through my adolescent, pre-teen, and teen years I never remember bullying being a problem like it is now. I think there are a few reasons why the frequency and severity of bullying have increased; media and parenting, but that is an entirely different subject. I have never paid bullying much mind until now, until it has hit home. And now that it has hit home, I'm taking a stand and using my voice and I hope that it reaches far and makes a difference somehow.

At dinner on Sunday, my sister-in-law, Marna, proceeded to tell us about how my sweet 8-year-old nephew, Beckham, is being bullied at school. The first time he received physical evidence of the bullying, Marna noticed and asked about it. Beckham told her that "Joe" had punched him in the eye and kicked his friend in the eye. She immediately took action and let the teacher know. When Beckham found out about this, he told his mom that she had misunderstood and that he didn't get hit by "Joe". Marna relayed this to the teacher. Beckham didn't want "Joe" to know he had told, because he was scared of retaliation. This was in first grade. 

Since that day, Beckham has continued to be bullied. He has been punched more then just that first time. Wood chips and paper have been stuffed into his ear, causing him to be on an antibiotic ear drop for infection. Beckham has been affected by this so much that he has pulled out all of his eyelashes, eyebrows, and some of his hair. Whether he is so anxious at school that he reverts to this or that it soothes him in some way, it is something he has turned to as a result of bullying. If this is the outward affect bullying is having on him, just imagine what is going on inside!

                                                                                                     

7 months later

You may be asking yourself some questions: "How has this been going on for over a year?" "Is it due to some of the administration at the school?" "Is it due to lack of communication between parents and teachers, between parents and administration, between students and parents, between teachers and administration?" "Is it due to what goes on in the home?" This is something we may never know, but everyone needs to work together to help find the answers and put an end to bullying. 

We are responsible for the protection of our children. And not just our children, but for every child, especially when their own parents aren't there to protect them. Teachers, administrators, parents, and students should be taking an active, assertive role to stop any sort of bullying. They should be acutely attentive to what is going on with their students, children, and peers. In our opinion, if everyone would have been doing their part, it would not have gone on for over a year. It should not require parents stepping in and blog posts being written. But since this is the case, let's spread the word and get more people involved and aware of how severe and damaging bullying is.

As the situation unfolds, we will continue to post about it. We will keep you informed on Beckham's progress of overcoming the damage bullying has done to him. We will be the voice of awareness and an advocate for those that are in need of protection and rescuing from those who feel the need to bully others.

Please do your part to stop bullying. Be that protector. Be that whistle blower. Be that example and teacher of how to treat others. Teach your children to stand up for others and to stand up to bullies. Be brave.